Tuesday, May 29, 2007

To Battle

Some would say that the pen is mightier than the sword or in today's times, the keyboard, or what have you. I am not going to argue the finer points of whether a pen is mightier than a sword, although I would get much more satisfaction from driving a sword into my enemies heart than a pen (if this is even possible).

I have been in a battle with HP (Hewlett Packard) now for about two weeks regarding my laptop being inoperable and whether they are going to honor the three year "no matter what happens" warranty I paid good money for. In summary the reoccurring hostilities went something like this.

First I called the support line getting someone obviously not from here, being the U.S. with very little understanding of the English language. Now I am forced to spend no less than thirty minutes attempting to convince them that I do in fact have the warranty I claim to have, not to mention all the misunderstandings we have between our dialects . Of course I have to email them receipts and do a little "this is my warranty" dance in the living room with underwear on my head before they actually take me seriously and by this point I am stabbing myself with a pen. Eventually, after going through two or three different service representatives I get a tech who takes me through the "Let's see if you are a moron and your computer really works fine" process by making me troubleshoot all the problems I have wasted countless hours attempting to do on my own before even calling H.P. Never the less, if I want help, I must humor the commies.

The tech then says they will take care of me by having a local rep call me about a pickup and confirms my contact information. We hang up and I wait with baited breath and my wife's DELL notebook in lap for a call from the local tech nerd. This call , of course, never comes. Nazi, commie, pinko-pig-a-zoids!

What to do? Call them back of course.

This is, for the most part, the routine for two separate phone conversations. My first contact with H.P. was through online chat a week prior to calling them. Explaining that to the foreigner on the line made no difference however. The third time I call, yesterday, I am highly agitated and not in the mood to be toyed with.

Here are the notes I took while on the phone with Ufinder and Razi.

@ 0957 EST on May 29, 2007: I have been transferred to 800 474 6836 after calling 281-370-0670 (the tech number listed on my documentation, HELLO!!)

Local Technician has not called as of the 25th. Case #7340****49 is not correct so reference back to case # 734*****45.

Started off with rep Ufinder (pronounced 'you-fender', more like 'you-offend-me') saying computer is out of warranty (heard this before) and placed on hold @ 1012. On hold now for approximately five minutes. Ufinder comes back on phone saying warranty is not up to date and wants to argue with me about the validity of my warranty (must I argue this every time I talk to these morons?)

1024 EST: I Send two more emails to hp.pop@mail.support.hp.com one with a return receipt request through Outlook. Ufinder insist on taking me through same hardware checks that all previous techs (including myself long before I even attempted to call HP) have taken me through despite reading previous emails from HP explaining all this has been done before.

Finally, thank God I am able to convince him not to go through the entire forty five minute ordeal by basically explaining everything I would do
in detail without his directions; I can tell by the five seconds of speechless silence Ufinder is not accustomed to dealing with people who actually have a general understanding of hardware. Placed on hold again @ 1032 on May 29, 2007.

Ufinder has come back online @ 1041 on May 29, 2007 (I have to put the date since it is possible he would leave me on hold for an entire 24 hours ;-p ) saying he has in fact received the warranty confirmation and that the confusion is related to a changed phone number on record (sure it is little buddy). Ufinder claims, like other reps before him, that he is fixing this problem and I tell him that if I have to go through this process again I am catching a jetliner to Cat Man Doo.
He places me on hold again @ 1046 while he supposedly gives my info to a hardware specialist technician (and what the heck were you Ufinder?) Ufinder has come back online giving Case #733*****82 @ 1049 on May 29, 2007 and changed my home phone number as previous reps have (man this is getting old). @ 1051 on May 29, 2007 Ufinder places me on hold AGAIN!

@ 1059 Ufinder comes back online and asks me to take the computer through a Hard Drive Self Test which I have started @ 1100 and computer states test will take approximately 67 minutes to complete. This has been completed several times before and is documented. This will be at LEAST THE SECOND time I have gone through this test with a Hewlett Packard Technician on the phone. This is great documentation on their part - NOT.

@ 1103 I am placed back on hold by Ufinder. @ 1126 Ufinder has come online supposedly with a hardware tech Razi. Razi is not connected or we are having problems. Ufinder says he believes there is a disconnect and has put me back on hold once more.

@ 1129 I receive a call from Ravi on home phone. He claims he will have the tech center pick it up for repair. Razi again confirms warranty and arranges for Fed Ex to send a box for pick up in the next two business days. He agrees to give me a confirmation number and website to plug it into (now we are getting somewhere) after I tell him that I am not hanging up until I get something of substance.

Call completed @ 1145 EST on May 29, 2107 (not really but it felt like a hundred years).

Angels rejoice!


CJ's Random Thoughts said...

Testing my own comments.

Dena said...

Check you out - I can READ it and listen to your random choice of music to go with your random (yet very very funny) thoughts!!!